Relationships can often become estranged when caring for a loved one living with Dementia. Communication, memory loss, emotions and behavioural changes can all play their part in effecting what was once a loving relationship, so to avoid this happening lets see if there is anything we can do to redeem the situation which takes a lot of love and understanding from the carers viewpoint.
It isn’t easy to care for someone living with Dementia and Granny does speak from experience. It is often a 24 hr hands on experience which you do for love, the more severe the dementia progresses the more difficult it can get.
Everyone of the immediate family need to rally round to help the main carer and I mean help not interfere. It is difficult enough without other family or friends putting there opinion in too strongly, if you are a family member and your not happy about something then get together away from the patient and have a quiet sensible conversation on the matters that are concerning you, or speak to your local authority carer or your GP. They can often help to defuse a difficult situation.
There is no doubt about it Dementia will throw up many obstacles, some you haven’t even thought of yet.
A couple may have been married for 50 yrs but with dementia the patient may forget their husband or their wife and children as being such, simply recognising them now as their main carer or the nice person that looks after them, they may forget the family ties they have had for many years with the loved ones they have always had around them.
When a patient is struggling to speak or to express their needs clearly this can lead to misunderstandings and tension, so tread carefully till you find your own way of coping, patients can often forget birthdays, anniversaries and family history, dont let these things become an obstacle, sit down and write a birthday card with them, engage them by getting them to put the stamp on the envelope even if they cant remember why they are doing it. if the patient wants to get involved with any activity then as long as its safe, why not. Many local authorities offer day centres which my mum and your loved ones can attend and this often gives the carer a window of respite. Check out if their are any support groups in your area like our own GGAT, engaging in dialogue with others in the same position as yourself. Surely its got to help.
Some family members find it extremely difficult to deal with a loved one who has been diagnosed with Dementia regrettably there is still stigma surrounding Dementia, admittedly at times the patient may outwardly not seem to be the person they recognise but Granny can only say that the person you know is still in there even though all these changes in personality are taking place., and that you the family member may have to try that little bit harder or find support for yourselves to learn how to deal with the situation because the patient requires all the love and support that the wider family can offer during the difficult times that lie ahead. remember that when you were a baby and you couldn’t hold yourself up, couldn’t talk, and threw a trauma tantrum when you couldn’t get your own way, who was there for you ? yes your mam or your dad so Granny just looks at it as role reversal for grown ups. Believe me you can get through it.
Mood swings and aggression sadly can play a part with some patients and may cause difficulty in maintaining that loving bond you once had. Family members may have feelings of sadness, guilt, anger or even helplessness as they notice the decline in their loved ones capabilities.
There are pamphlets and leaflets and even videos on all the major Dementia sites , Alzheimer’s Society and Dementia uk to name but two, just register with them with your email address and they will forward you a multitude of information you may require on several dementia topics. This information will not be specific to the rainbow community, more a general basis which should give you a starting point.
So to recap just a little, always show patience, speak to your loved one in a calm and clear manor, if they are agitated in any way try and find something they can concentrate on like a hobby they may have, if you feel you are not coping well then ask for help and learn from experts the recommended coping mechanisms which may help. Don’t forget if you need more help contact your GP. if you are finding that coping is becoming too much then don’t try and do everything yourself as it will only take its toll out of you as well, and that is not what any of us want.
So as granny has explained the more you get involved in sending in your experiences your videos your pics the more we can help others in the same position as yourselves and those who are just starting the dementia care journey.
