Jack’s Story

Hi to everybody in the group my name is Jack, and I was born in Carlisle near a place called Carleton not too far from the Garlands Hospital which some of you may know but my dad got work in Kendal, so we moved their when I was 5.

I never found a long-term partner to be honest I didn’t really look that much and never found the need to live an outrageously gay life, my friends and workmates knew who I was and on occasions a little dalliance would develop which kept me going in that department.     

I was happy to stay living at home with mum and dad and they seemed quite content having me there.

My mum eventually suffered from dementia which we first thought was just forgetfulness due to old age, but it still came as a shock when we got the official diagnosis which in her case was in 2011 so dad said we have to just do the best we can for her and that’s exactly what we did.

For the first 5 years of her illness dad played the lead in her care however in 2016 dad suffered a major stroke and 6 months later he was gone.

So now I became mum’s main carer as my siblings had either moved away or they had family commitments of their own it came as quite a shock even after helping dad for 5+ yrs to having the full-time responsibility of caring for a loved one.

My mother was a strong woman and she would have been mortified to learn that her son was supervising her having a shower, it was certainly something that upset me that my mother’s dignity was being eroded in such a fashion by the illness, but often in life you just have to do what you have to do even the embarrassing bits, I still get upset thinking about it.

Eventually I managed to secure a care package two visits per day for mother and the lady carers then took over the bathroom duties much to my relief.

After 3 yrs of caring for mum with the help of the carers, mum quietly slipped away there had never been any thought of placing her in a nursing home I was determined to keep her at home and her close family were all at her bedside at the time of her passing.

So now I have just taken early retirement I feel it’s me time now.

I have become a member of certain gay groups one in particular which is a walking group which is ideally suited for me with living here in the lake district and wanting to keep fit, sometimes if I’m feeling more adventurous I will meet up with friends in Manchester or Blackpool two of the main gay hubs in the country where I can catch up on the theatre, have dinner, watch local acts or have an interesting sauna (naughty but nice)

I think dad and I did our best for mum, and they would be pleased to see that I am enjoying my life now too.  I will always be thankful for the love my mother bestowed on us all. And just one quick thank you to Mary who lived next door to us who was a very good friend to my mother, thank you Mary for being such a good neighbour I will always remember your kindness.