My name is Jimmy and I met my partner Peter in the armed forces when on a tour abroad. We’d both been posted to Cyprus and had never met before, I must point out that back in the 1980s it was still illegal to be gay in the armed forces and in actual fact the ban wasn’t lifted until the year 2000. It was OK to fight and possibly die for your country as long as you weren’t gay doing it!!
We would have clandestine meetings where hopefully our feelings towards each other were not exposed to others in the unit, but as sure as night follows day our little secret got out and as a result we took quite a bit of flack from other soldiers around, but with both of us being quite strong characters mentally and physically and determined to stay more than good friends we managed to overcome the animosity that was hurled at us and became stronger together for it, but never threw our relationship into the sergeant major’s face.
So, bringing things up to date Peter is now in an advanced stage of dementia after suffering symptoms since 2010 plus he had a slight stroke in 2015.
I still have him at home here in Gloucestershire and I am resistant to putting him into full time care which I think would upset his routine and cause more confusion.
I am very lucky I have a great support team around me. I have carers come in twice a day who he is always pleased to see to get him up and showered in the morning and at night to get him to bed because he is still a big chap and I’m not able to lift him like I used too, I’m an old girl myself now, he has a walker and me to get him to the bathroom through the day but the carers are thinking its time he went into nappies at night, OMG, I’m so looking forward to that!!!
Anyway, just another bridge to cross I am sure we’ll cope. My thanks to GGAT for opening a group for dialogue with other LGBTQ members suffering from and caring for those effected by Alzheimer’s or dementia. I look forward to meeting and talking over different experiences with other members of the group.
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Comment from GGAT
Always a pleasure to talk to ex-service men, thank you for your kind words too, and a huge thank you for your remarkable story, I really did enjoy reading about your time in Cyprus deeply sorry to hear that Peter is now quite poorly. I am pleased to hear that the support network that you have around you is making such a difference to Peter’s care. It really is something that GGAT will be working quite seriously on to get quality care to all LGBTQ members across the country.